I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
