Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
