Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
