Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
