While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
