i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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