Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it's like heaven, but drunker
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
