my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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