My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
