I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
