I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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