I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize