remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
