Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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