Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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