I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
