never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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