Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mom said you looked used
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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