So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
