Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
