I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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