Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
