even my farts smell like vagina
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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