i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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