I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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