Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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