I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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