I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
how drunk are you?
Several
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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