I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Randomize
