The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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