im about as happy as oj after his trial
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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