she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
