I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we're making bets on your personal life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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