When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
