We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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