Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
