I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you had me at cake vodka
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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