i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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