Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
