you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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