I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
