She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
