It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
