Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
