just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
