I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
