i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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