My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
