so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
