I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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