I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
