pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
