I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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