elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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