I'm jealous of your bromance
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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