I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
