dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
