So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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