my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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