Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
