I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
