It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
