it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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