Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
