Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
