whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
