Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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