I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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