Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
