4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
