I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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