My hand turned me down
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
