Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
